This past week has been filled with tears.

Tears not of grief but of gratitude. Joy.
…
It feels like yesterday, a dear friend spoke these words over me, “What’s next is good.” It was during an exercise in our small group where we volunteered to allow the Lord to speak to us about the person in front of us.

She volunteered to hear from the Lord on my behalf. In hindsight, there was no mistake in her bravely stepping up to the plate. It was not an accident nor a coincident – she was the chosen to deliver a message the Lord not just wanted to convey to me but rather needed me to receive.

These words carried me during a season that unexpectedly became arduous; a time where I needed to be able to hold tightly, knuckles clinched to a profound truth of a promise. I clung to these words the way Ella Jane now clings to me when a loud plane fly’s overhead.

Laura’s prophetic voice transformed my confidence and rooted my faith in the Lord’s truth. Her message became a living example of the words found in Isaiah 46 – verses that I have had as a signature line in my email for over a decade now.

            “ …I made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4)

Carry me – He did and continues to do so
Sustain me – He always does
Rescue me – He always will
It was her words that welled up inside of me when I had to find the strength to face Townes’s diagnosis – hypoplastic left heart syndrome. It was the echo of the Lord’s promise beating loud as the doctor delivered these words: “I’m so sorry but his heart did not completely form; he is missing the left ventricle. There is no cure only procedures and surgeries to give him a chance to live”

The Lord’s voice rang loudly cutting the silence as I stared blankly when the next doctor delivered the news that coronary fistula may also be present meaning a heart transplant may be necessary.

The only thing rooting me to the truth of the Lord’s promises was a small word of encouragement spoken over me during an elementary exercise of practicing hearing from the Lord.

It were these words that provided me life support as I walked through some of my hardest and most transformative moments: watching as my baby was whisked from the operating room immediately upon birth without even so much as a word. My child, whom I only got to wrap his little finger around mine as I prayed over him before he was taken back for his first heart procedure on his birthday. My son, whom I didn’t get to hold for 6 long days.

But it was enough.
 
“What is next is good.”
…
And good? It is.

This past Sunday during worship service, we were singing “Trust in God” by Elevation Music and when we started singing, “I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered” I knew Pandora’s box had been sprung open. I raised my head up to the heavens as damn broke, and tears began to freely flow. I found myself so overcome with gratitude, so humbled by his love and washed in his unconditional gifts.

Does anyone remember those old projectors that you could slide Polaroid pictures in for a slide show? For that worship song it was as if I had been transported to my childhood living room and was watching a Polaroid slideshow but instead of it of my siblings, parents and family trips it was of the last five years.

Townes little hand wrapped around my finger, the nurse handing him to me for the very first time cords and all, the Facetime call of his doctor playing the Ukelele because Townes had a match, watching them wheel him back for his life saving open heart surgery, Scott and I walking out of the hospital for the first time with Townes in tow, our welcome home parade, him crawling over Tucker, his first steps, him opening the box with Leo, him holding Ella Jane, him standing as a Sturgeon star with a huge smile and his arms stretched wide, his first baseball game and so many moments in between.

My heart completely captured in joy and disbelief that the Lord has brought us here: to another milestone.

Kindergarten.

I owe all my college friends so many apologies for not understanding the significance and for my own naivety.  I owe myself grace for the rollercoaster I have been riding this week, and for feeling the overwhelming sense of gratitude that reverberates through me as I watch my son head off full throttle into boyhood.

And that even with my nerves that we may approach this next season with and a confident expectation of good.

My heart almost seized Wednesday when Townes grabbed my hand as we walked into his Kindergarten classroom.  Just moments before, he bravely told me he didn’t need to hold my hand but this was a reminder that yes even in boyhood and perhaps as a teenager and an adult, the strength, love and security of your parents is needed. 

I share our milestone with you so you can be reminded in the promises of the Lord; so, you can go into the weekend knowing that we have a good, good Father. His promises are yes and amen (2 Corinthians 1:20), his mercies new every morning (Lamentations 3:23)!

Maybe you need to be reminded that it’s not how you start but rather how you finish (Ecclesiastes 7:8) or that when we fix our eyes on Christ we can persevere (Hebrews 12:1-2).

And most importantly may you carry this truth that Jesus is hope (Titus 2:!3) and in him we can rest in a confident expectation of good because after all, “what’s next is good.”

As always – Inspire Hope,
Maleah