I know you probably opened this entry with the HOPE that this meant our biggest prayer to date had been answered, but as of today we stay steadfast in our waiting. 

Amidst the chaos that has ensued over the last week and the fear that has grown over the spread of the virus, it’s important to redirect our focus. To trust that we serve a Big Big God and he is larger than this virus and any circumstance.  I was listening to a sermon a few weeks ago and the Pastor was teaching on how Satan is reactionary – his only option is to “react” to something the Lord is doing…and he used an example I had never considered: Moses & Jesus and the parallels on how their lives began and the calling the Lord placed on their life.

Moses – he saved the Israelites from captivity and bondage, he led them out of Egypt, he gave them freedom and got them to the edge of the Promised Land.

Jesus – he saved the Jews and Gentiles alike, he leads us out of bondage and fear, he gives us salvation – eternal life, he gives us right standing with God, he is Perfect Love.

With the birth of both Moses and Jesus, the Lord had started something amazing but it would be years before what the Lord began was seen and realized on earth – he sent a savior for the Israelites and he sent the greatest Savior of all to save all his beloved children. But yet, what was visible with the birth of both Moses and Jesus – an order for all first born sons to be killed, a reaction to what the Lord had started.

Exodus 1:22 “Then Pharaoh gave this order to all his people: ‘Every Hebrew boy that is born you must throw in the Nile, but let every girl live.”

Matthew 2:16 “When Herod realized that he had been tricked by the wise men, he was infuriated. So he sent soldiers with orders to slaughter every baby boy two years old and younger in Bethlehem and through the surrounding countryside…”

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

It’s in times like this we need to lean in, to build up our confidence in what we hope for, to exercise our faith. For me, the way I do that is by reflecting on answered prayers.

While I was pregnant, each time we went to the doctor (which was a lot) if felt like I was facing a ‘Giant’ – we would hear things like, typically children with HLHS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome) don’t eat well and they will need a feeding tube, a concern for these children is a low birth weight, or these children can also be developmentally delayed…just to name a few. 

And so I would leave these appointments, feeling scared and defeated. Imagine a weighted scale you use in physics or biology (or picture Lady Justice). I described this scale often as one side “Faith” and one side “Medicine/Science.” Most of the time the “Faith” Scale was higher than “Medicine/Science” but after these appointments, the scale felt tipped in the opposite direction; it would take intentional time in the word and worship to flip it back.

I have never handled blood or anything medical well, frankly, I have been known to pass out at just descriptions of procedures. It reminds me of the time my mom had knee surgery, and I went to pick her up…after meeting with the doctor, the next thing I remember is sitting in my mom’s recovery room with a sprite and crackers. 😂 Don’t worry mom was fine me on the other hand…. so the only way I knew how to fight these fears that started to creep in after these appointments was in prayer.

And so I would pray, and in thanksgiving declare that Townes would be a great sleeper, that he would have an easy temperament, that he would be able to bottle feed, that developmentally he would be in line with other children, that he would be a healthy birth weight. I would pray that somehow deep within myself, I could handle the hospital and whatever would come with it. 

And you know what? Townes is all of these things…Jesus answered.

I am thankful for a Savior who hears my prayers! And the “much more” in him answering these prayers – we get to hold him!  I didn’t even know to pray for this, but Jesus answered it anyway.

We have heard more times than we can count that it’s so amazing Townes can take a bottle, that we get to hold him, that he has great movement with his hands, that he is such a content baby. We feel blessed, and mostly we see this as a reflection of his Great Love for us. We know its not “normal” on the 10th floor in Pediatric Cardiology, and so when I pick Townes to feed him and cuddle him, I am thankful that my prayers were heard and answered. and because my Savior is gracious and kind and loving, I have been able to manage all the IVs, the cords, the machines — he has provided me with an inner strength and resolve. Thank you!

So in uncertain times, when the world looks bleak and dark, I stand confident that the light is brighter, and I wait in full expectation to see what the Lord has already started.